I can't sleep right now. I'm on call and have been for 60 of the last 72 or so hours. Despite the relative sleep deprivation I am unable to even consider lying down because I am so energized by taking care of patients. It's crazy. I LOVE what I am doing. Being a doctor is pretty much the most incredible privilege. Some wise person said, "Do what you need to do so someday you can do what you want to do." I have thought about that often through college and medical school and I am much closer to the end goal and it is much better than I could have imagined.
Tonight I discussed "code status" with a family whose mom is likely to die tonight. I get to spend the night walking through this with them. What an honor! After speaking with them the well-experienced nurse gave me a hug and said, "Once again you are my hero." I said, "Why?". She said, "I just love the way you do business. You have a really great way of relating to patients." I don't rely on the affirmation of those around me, but it is really encouraging and energizing to be reminded that I am doing exactly what I was made to do.
While I wouldn't mind getting some sleep tonight after a very long week, I know that in 5 days I will be flying to Palm Springs, CA for a week of fun and rest. So tonight I will lean in and help this family walk through one of their darkest nights.
What do you need to do so you can do what you want to do? I've still got a long way to go to be a staff surgeon able to go abroad and teach others, but I'm taking steps and know that that day will come much faster than I expect.
