An open letter

Dear violent people of Indianapolis,

Please just get along today. You see, I'm very tired and I'm on call. But if you must, please be nice to me. I don't like it when you swear at me as I try and stop your bleeding. It isn't nice. But maybe that's what put you in the situation you're in. Also, telling me (with a police officer over my shoulder) to let you go so you can go and "put a cap in their *&!%$" is just stupid. Thirdly, I know you weren't minding your own business so stop telling me that. I don't care how it happened. My job is just to fix you and leave the detective work for others. Either way, I'm tired so just stop fighting.

Trauma call

Just to give you a glimpse into what call is like...I was on call last night at our large county hospital with dozens and dozens of physicians on call on any given night. I had a fairly busy night but I've had much worse. This morning one of my friends called the operator to get my pager number to get in touch with me and the operator didn't even hesitate to recite my pager number from memory. Maybe she has a photographic memory but either way we got a good laugh out of the misery that is our current call schedule.

The beating

I recently performed a surgery that is the "holy grail" of general surgery. It is usually reserved for chief residents or fellows but I had the fortune of scrubbing in when no one else was available last week. Lest you think the patient pays the price for my inexperience please know the staff was in complete control of the surgery. He told me that he wouldn't accept anything other than perfection and I assure you that to the best of human abilities that is what the patient received.

Here are some of the quotes from the case directed at me:

• I don't know how I can be any more descript with what I want you to do
• Terrible
• Horrible
• Amateur move
• Are you sure you're up for this case?
• How can you not know how to do that?
• You've got to think
• Unbelievable
• STOP DOING THAT!
• What a rookie move
• I don't like that. Take it out.
• If you mess this tie up she is going to bleed 1 liter per minute so don't screw this up
• Countless expletives
• Your left hand is doing nothing to help- get it involved in the surgery

Lest you think I'm a complete hack he did comment that I have surprisingly good control of the needle for a second year resident and that overall I did a really good job. If the beating I took was with a "good job" I would hate to be there when I'm doing a bad job.

I post all this to keep a balance to all of my happy posts about my surgical training. While I have loved the majority of my residency and have had overall very positive feedback I have had moments and days that just suck. This was one of them. The good news is that starting July 1st I have a year to regroup and enjoy being a newlywed.

I knew what I was signing up for in becoming a surgeon and this is part of it. Lives are on the line and they know I have to be able to perform under pressure. I have to master my adrenaline while I have staff as a safety net before I'm on my own.

By the way the patient is doing very well.